Bringing It Into Focus © C. Pic Michel Jan 2, 2004
At first, knowing what works for us and what doesn't -- learning to recognize our prey, can be challenging. Getting on a scale and seeing whether or not one could stand to lose a few pounds seems certain, but what is overweight for a person who is 5 feet tall is not overweight for one who is 6 feet tall, and either one who is at an acceptable weight for their height might still feel poorly about their appearance because of the way they carry their weight.
One may think they are being truthful if they site something to change about themselves because they don't like it, but truly, what hurts us most is not likeing ourselves. Rarely will one succeed in anything they try if the reason they are "trying" is because they feel "less than" otherwise. This is negative motivation, living life backward: evil, allowing the parasite to run the show.
Just the same as we can't put our shoes on by pulling them off, neither can we make progress if we are in a state of telling ourselves we're not good at it. We are human be-ings yet we tend to live as human avoidlings, trying not to rather than becoming. This kind of living is etched into our way of life at an early age.
Even if we remember our parents, teachers, and other authority figures from our childhood as loving, kind, and gentle; to a child under 3 feet tall who doesn't understand how anything works in the world, a reprimand can feel suddenly harsh and scary. In comparison, glee, peace, happiness, and joy don't seem to carry nearly the emotional weight as anger, or a quick albeit saving slap to a small hand that is about to touch into hot flames. Too often children who don't understand how the world works come to the erroneous conclusion that the positive things in life are what come when bad things are avoided.
We start to live in a state of avoidance so that we aren't corrected or punished. This discipline is what is called Domestication. In school children learn to study not because they fully understand the rewards education will bring, but because they don't want to disappoint their parents and face the consequences of failure or their frustrated teacher's consequences when they are not paying attention. For many, "success" lies in the absence of failure; happiness is possible in the absence of mistakes and error.
To often we know more about "trying" not to be unhappy than we do about creating happiness. We may not be as likely to feel love for ourselves, as we are to judge ourselves. Not being doesn't work for us. This is what we need to transform and flip around to its exact opposite. Trying not to be wrong seldom leads to the kind of confidence and self-esteem it seems we dream of.
We have come to the place where we know we can create something different and are in the process of becoming willing to allow this to manifest in our living. When we look at the circumstances of our lives we may not be fully aware of what works and what doesn't, but we are beginning to see that it all takes place from the inside out and that negative thinking doesn't bring us to positive outcomes. We feel a little more strengthened everyday when we embrace the idea that we are on the path to creating a positive, fulfilling life.
It's easy to lose our focus, to get lost in other people, external goals, and desires… we lose our connection to the universe inside ourselves. As long as we focus on the outside there will always be an empty, hungry, lost place inside that needs to be filled. --Shakti Gawain