A Living System

A Living System © C. Pic Michel Jan 3, 2004

When we stalk, or practice self-inquiry, we're not looking for what's wrong with us. We're actually looking for something that works very well. It is only by mistake that it works against us. It is a living system or system of living that has been designed to protect us...by us. Because it is based on the erroneous conclusions of the child who first imagined it. Because it tends to be developed to prevent unwanted experiences, this system tends to protect us with negative motivation thus hurting us over time.

This living system the Parasite (Toltec term similar to ego) The parasite is actually a tool which creates and maintains records and searches files when various situations arise. In an instant, between experiencing some circumstance and the reaction to it, the Parasite steps up and assesses the situation, offers us feedback, which was originally intended to help us stay safe and make an informed decision.

There are differences in how this system works for the child who initiates it and the adult who doesn't realize they're spending much of their lives validating, tweaking and relying on the erroneous conclusions of their child self. A major difference is the fluidity with which we expect ourselves to act as we mature. As a culture we seem to value being able to act swiftly and decisively and sometimes view needing to take a moment to think things over as a weakness. A child is still learning about how to react. A competent adult is often viewed as one who can act almost without thinking. That's how we end up with a system that is a Parasitic, we hook up with it and let it run the show.

The living system which was born to help us navigate in the world and has become Parasitic is not something to be disliked or that we would want to get rid of. Instead it is ours, like a malnourished child to love. How can we love something that goes against us? The same way a parent can love an arguing adolescent or a toddler that is throwing a tantrum in the middle of a department store. Herein lie the Judge and Victim. Recognizing this is the way to begin transforming the Parasite into the Ally that it was dreamed to be.

It isn't easy for adults to be told they are basing their current living on the mistaken impressions of the child that they were, but where else does the foundation from our Parasite originate? Moreover, without knowing we were setting ourselves up for life, we tweaked and refined the strategies to avoid negative situations and our parasite processed and utilized everything that passed through our minds. As we began to react more and more automatically the Parasite became a self-tweaking system and is now full of a complex set of theories and strategies, which need to be unraveled.

To do this work we need to set our intent to begin noticing, when our thoughts or automatic reactions go against us, and stalk the underlying motivations for having these outcomes. Be assured the Parasite, having become a self-tweaking system, has already accounted for the reading of this passage and in an effort to protect us, is poised to do battle with anything that questions it's efficiency and effectiveness. After all, the system has been built over a lifetime; this idea that it may be flawed is recently given and threatens security. As we go about our day we start questioning authority - the absolute certainty we have developed over time that our thoughts are ours, asking ourselves: Is this my thought or a reaction based on assumptions? Did I really think about those events or fulfill an automatic response? Did I take something personally? Did I speak with integrity? What is my real and true best?

You find out that the universe is a system that creeps up on itself and says, "Boo!" and then laughs at itself for jumping. --Alan Watts

Bringing It Into Focus

Bringing It Into Focus © C. Pic Michel Jan 2, 2004

At first, knowing what works for us and what doesn't -- learning to recognize our prey, can be challenging. Getting on a scale and seeing whether or not one could stand to lose a few pounds seems certain, but what is overweight for a person who is 5 feet tall is not overweight for one who is 6 feet tall, and either one who is at an acceptable weight for their height might still feel poorly about their appearance because of the way they carry their weight.

One may think they are being truthful if they site something to change about themselves because they don't like it, but truly, what hurts us most is not likeing ourselves. Rarely will one succeed in anything they try if the reason they are "trying" is because they feel "less than" otherwise. This is negative motivation, living life backward: evil, allowing the parasite to run the show.

Just the same as we can't put our shoes on by pulling them off, neither can we make progress if we are in a state of telling ourselves we're not good at it. We are human be-ings yet we tend to live as human avoidlings, trying not to rather than becoming. This kind of living is etched into our way of life at an early age.

Even if we remember our parents, teachers, and other authority figures from our childhood as loving, kind, and gentle; to a child under 3 feet tall who doesn't understand how anything works in the world, a reprimand can feel suddenly harsh and scary. In comparison, glee, peace, happiness, and joy don't seem to carry nearly the emotional weight as anger, or a quick albeit saving slap to a small hand that is about to touch into hot flames. Too often children who don't understand how the world works come to the erroneous conclusion that the positive things in life are what come when bad things are avoided.

We start to live in a state of avoidance so that we aren't corrected or punished. This discipline is what is called Domestication. In school children learn to study not because they fully understand the rewards education will bring, but because they don't want to disappoint their parents and face the consequences of failure or their frustrated teacher's consequences when they are not paying attention. For many, "success" lies in the absence of failure; happiness is possible in the absence of mistakes and error.

To often we know more about "trying" not to be unhappy than we do about creating happiness. We may not be as likely to feel love for ourselves, as we are to judge ourselves. Not being doesn't work for us. This is what we need to transform and flip around to its exact opposite. Trying not to be wrong seldom leads to the kind of confidence and self-esteem it seems we dream of.

We have come to the place where we know we can create something different and are in the process of becoming willing to allow this to manifest in our living. When we look at the circumstances of our lives we may not be fully aware of what works and what doesn't, but we are beginning to see that it all takes place from the inside out and that negative thinking doesn't bring us to positive outcomes. We feel a little more strengthened everyday when we embrace the idea that we are on the path to creating a positive, fulfilling life.

It's easy to lose our focus, to get lost in other people, external goals, and desires… we lose our connection to the universe inside ourselves. As long as we focus on the outside there will always be an empty, hungry, lost place inside that needs to be filled. --Shakti Gawain

Resolution

© C. Pic Michel Jan 1, 2004

So often when we speak of making resolutions we are thinking about what we want to change or bring into our experience. We decide we want change what we eat, our spending habits, go back to school, find a new job, or end some habit that might be dangerous. Taking a look at our lives we ask, how things work. Do the ways we process and live our lives and interact with others work for or against us?

Interestingly, in this computer pixilated age, resolution has another meaning and that is how well the picture we are viewing can be seen. If the picture is low resolution what we are seeing may be blurry, soft around the edges and missing details. If the picture is high resolution, that is extremely detailed with many more pieces of information, we can see more clearly and appreciate much more of what we are looking at. Making a resolution then may result in some change or addition to our lives, but the way it comes about is through setting our intent, sharpening our focus and taking action based on the intent we have set.

Resolutions that take hold are not limited to particular situations or circumstances. Resolutions that work focus on a commitment to stalk for prey as a Jaguar moving on our chosen path, inch by inch, identifying and exploring with what works and doesn't work for us in order to facilitate change. We strive to fly like the Eagle high above the scene with an eye on the goal for which the path was started, dreaming in line with our intent seeing limiting patterns and negative habits, and catching them moving them toward transformation in line with our intent. Such resolutions transform what was circumstantial into a whole life application. A desire to "change what we eat", becomes changing what we feed our minds, we stalk and transform negative self-talk into truth. "Changing our spending habits" is raised to the level of stalking what we pay attention to. Is it an investment in our new dream or is allowing this sort of expenditure going to be costly leaving us little change? When we "go back to school" we become teachable and willing to learn new strategies with which we can expand our life experiences. When we "change jobs", we are looking for a way of focusing our energy that will be more satisfying and rewarding.

We take on all of these resolutions as we resolve to awaken to ourselves and end the dangerous habit of living without awareness or responsibility for our own living. We empower ourselves to do whatever we desire with our whole being and our being whole. So as we ponder the resolutions we would like to come into focus in our lives, let us not limit ourselves to outcomes and circumstances. Let us train our thought on the way the entirety of life is formed and do our work there. For when we do this inside work, then everything else will follow along sure-footed on a path that is well constructed and supportive of all our hearts' desires.

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing. --Abraham Lincoln